Random Realization

For the last few days I have been getting up with a big smile on my face… Life somehow doesn’t seem meaningless anymore. Ideally this should be the most boring and tension filled phase of my life…I am on the brink of graduation and should be busy searching for a real job. But something told me that I am not ready. So I have granted myself this little break of two months to decide what I want to do in life and to do all that which perhaps I may not be able to do after this stage.

I call myself a steady worrier who just loves to create the unnecessary horrors in her life every moment. My mind is never at rest, and very occasionally content. But much to my own surprise I have managed to take life lightly and positively these past few days, a feat which I never considered myself capable of.

So what changed, let’s just say….I have started trusting people more now….have become more open about what I feel, have started accepting people the way they are without constantly judging them on their flaws and most importantly; have started appreciating everything that I have.

I remember the time when I was online 24/7 without giving a damn about the real world around me. My breakfast, lunch and dinner was served in front of the computer table. My parents had given up on persuading me to have those much awaited family dinners together. G-talk became my personalized world. Of course it had its pluses too, as I stumbled upon some real gems who managed to bring a lot into my life as also polished my bond with the older lot with whom staying in touch had almost been ruled out.

But somehow, something was drastically missing in that little world.... Slowly I became conscious of the fact that the small things which brought out the child in me before I had transformed into an internet addict, vanished into the horizon. I had forgotten the last occasion when I watched TV unhindered. There was a time when I practically knew the character names of each artist that appeared on television, lyrics and dialogues of a whole range of songs and movies that I was constantly glued on to during my free time, danced like crazy to all the Bollywood songs that were played during the countdown shows on TV. Everything had become a thing of the past.

Can’t recollect the last novel that I read with the same amount of eagerness and passion that I exuded during my junior college days when a book would accompany me to every destination I left for, be it minutes away or days away. Those boundless conversations with my sister which I looked forward to every evening after coming back from school or college became restricted to once a week when either of us visited each other, after she got married.

Miss all that...I am surprised why I never noticed this cavity in my life earlier. Perhaps this was the right time for the realization. So that I could circumspectly modify and alter everything I wanted, to what it was always supposed to be...

The result- I am watching more TV, more song, dance and movies…reconnecting with my old friends and bonding with the new, call up near and dear ones more often, not afraid to show friends that I care, land up at my sister’s place regularly to catch every moment of my little niece’s histrionics and adorable actions, bought a collection of my darling Mills and Boon novels which I intend to finish in a week’s time, trying my hand at cooking much to my papa’s surprise who thought he wont live to see the day when his daughter would enter the kitchen and lastly… wake up feeling happy every morning.